The wisdom of self-sabotage

Have you ever noticed yourself sabotaging your own success?  Often, this is subconscious, so here are some examples of what it might look like in a work context:

• Not following up on things, knowing that your lack of action might have negative consequences;
• Avoiding or withdrawing mentally from meetings, training sessions, or people related to your work;
• Reducing, or even stopping, your communication to colleagues and senior managers;
• Increasingly leaving things unfinished, or poorly done, even when you know you could do better;
• Slipping into negative speech patterns, focusing on “what’s wrong” more than “what we can do is…”;
• Being shocked when receiving feedback about the above types of behaviour – not recognising it as “you”;
• … you’re getting the idea, right?

Any single incident of the above behaviour would not necessarily be a concern.  But when it’s a pattern, it can also be a sign that it’s time for you to take stock.  Especially if this behaviour is atypical, it can indicate that you are no longer happy or fulfilled in your current role or environment.   Some part of you is waving a red flag – creating drama that will shift the status quo.  You could even call it a strategy.  I have a close friend, for example, freely admits that when he is no longer happy in his work he simply stops communicating with his boss.  This usually results in getting fired.  A dramatic, but effective, way of getting out of an undesirable situation.  But it’s hardly positive for his future employment opportunities.

There is wisdom in self-sabotage.  When you notice it, you can intervene proactively by evolving your dreams and goals, and taking action to move in a new direction.  If you are observing someone else doing self-sabotage, you can start by helping them to focus on “what’s next”.

For whom your work toils…

At the risk of sounding incredibly crass and corporate, do you know who your primary customers are?  These are the people who get the direct result or product of your work.  They are the people who would jump up and down in protest if your job didn’t exist.  They are the people who would be checking to see if you’ve been providing value for money, or whether there are other ways to get the same product/service.  Therefore, even if your work ultimately serves a variety of other stakeholders, some of them perhaps sexier than your true primary stakeholders, it behooves you to stay in close contact with the needs and desires of the latter.

Advantages of being clear about who your customers are:

• Allows  you to ask the right questions about what you should and shouldn’t be doing.
• Allows you to target your efforts for the greatest impact (presumably your service to primary stakeholders in turn allows them to serve your secondary stakeholders better).
• Allows you to communicate clearly about what you do, for whom, and why you are not doing other things.
• Gives you the focus to measure and report on your work in the way that is most meaningful to your primary stakeholders.
• Helps you to stay in touch with whether your work is being valued by the decision-makers who keep you employed.

Need I say anything about what happens when you overlook your primary stakeholders/customers?  If you want me to do so, send me a message.  But first and more importantly, who are YOUR primary customers/stakeholders?

When drama goes up, trust goes down

This is not my idea.  A long time ago, I was at some training program or other (I don’t even recall what it was about).  My takeaway for the day was this incredibly useful insight – when drama goes up, trust goes down.

At the time, I applied the notion to being prepared for delivering a training event.  If when participants begin to arrive, you are messing around with AV, handouts, nametags, etc., you won’t be able to greet them and begin to establish rapport.  You won’t reassure them that you are in control, and they won’t relax.  Since then, I’ve observed that there are many types of drama that can derail trust.  But of course, our current economic climate demonstrates this quite clearly.

This is worth thinking about on a personal and organisational level, because trust is the foundation for effective and rewarding relationships.  And it is through relationships that we get things done.  I’d like to challenge you to think about daily dramas (situations that set up conflict) that could be eliminated or reduced.  Here’s a short list of some that I’ve observed:

• Procrastination – saying you’ll do it, but not following through.
• Lack of decisive commitment – the negative impact of this one is compounded by the next …
• Lack of communication – non-existent, insufficient, or misleading communication will lead to others inventing their own interpretation of your silence.
• “Awfulizing” – focusing on how bad things are or might get.  This leaves little head space for being productive now.
• Lack of preparation – trying to “fly by the seat of your pants”, other people can usually spot this.
• Over-commitment – trying to do too many things at once usually results in poor preparation and less communication.
• Assigning blame – puts the other person on the defensive

What are some of the conflict-inducing or confidence-reducing dramas in your world?  What could you do today to eliminate or reduce drama in your life?